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About Teen Dating Violence
"Last week at my high school’s football game, I was walking to the concession stand and saw a girl with tears in her eyes and her boyfriend in her face. All of her friends stood in a crowd and watched as if this were normal. It surprised me that they did not feel like the right thing to do was to stop the situation. Noticing this, I decided to stick around to make sure the girl would be okay. The angry boy persisted to push the girl around, grab her neck, and verbally abuse her in one of the worst ways. Crowds of teachers, other students, and even some of my own friends watched, yet did nothing to stop the violence towards this innocent girl. The abuse quickly got worse and I told the boy he need to stop and I would not leave until his hands were off his girlfriend. Although he ignored me at first, I just said, "I’m still not leaving," and that’s when he decided to stop and ran off.
One of the easiest things we can do to stop a situation from going from bad to worse is to just speak up and say something. It has never been okay to abuse someone you are in a relationship with, and it’s definitely not okay to watch this take place. Abuse behavior should not be a normal thing for the public to see, especially between dating partners. Even if you are just an eyewitness of dating violence, you can still do the right thing and tell that person to "Stop." ...I know that if more people could recognize the difference between what’s wrong and right, less people would get away with dating violence. Never just watch and wish you did something to help, just do it! Just speaking up for what’s right can make all the difference."
- Jenee, Students Taking Action for Respect (STAR) member
Stories like Jenee’s remind us that teen dating violence is major issue today. National studies show that one in five female high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner , and half of reported date rapes occur among teenagers. Dating violence is a silent crime, and victims often find it difficult to report or find support Many don’t realize that they are experiencing abuse. Unfortunately, teen dating violence often ends in the worst possible circumstances. In Texas over the past few years, there have been several instances where teen dating violence has culminated in death or serious injury. Teen dating violence is a community health issue, as its impact is felt by individuals outside of the dating relationship - during and after the dating relationship ends - as well as by the dating partners.
Teen dating violence takes many forms in addition to the physical abuse the public often thinks of when this type of violence is mentioned. Types of dating violence include:
- Physical Abuse - Hitting, pushing, kicking, biting, choking, throwing things at someone, pulling hair, etc.
- Emotional/Verbal Abuse - name-calling, put-downs, extreme jealousy, controlling behavior (telling someone what to wear or who to be friends with), isolating someone from their family and friends, etc.
- Sexual Abuse - sexual harassment, exposure to sexually explicit images or language, spreading sexual rumors, sexual pressure, sexual assault, etc.
In order to end teen dating violence, we must raise awareness about this issue, work with communities and schools to develop safe and effective responses to it, and, most importantly, work to prevent teen dating violence from happening in the first place. We must challenge the attitudes and beliefs that lead people to commit dating violence and that prevent bystanders from doing anything about it when they see it or know it is happening. Simply stated by a Texas high school student, "We’re not just struggling to help those people [victims] heal; we’re struggling to redefine normal for everyone else!"
If you are like Jenee and want to act to end violence, or if you’ve ever sat in a crowd watching abuse, wanting to do something but not sure how, visit the Students Taking Action for Respect (STAR) webpage. The STAR program consists of Texas youth working to end sexual and dating violence in their schools and communities.
"IT STARTED OUT GREAT."
"She was always calling me to check-in, to tell me that she really liked me, to tell me that she couldn’t stand to be apart from me."
"He would tell me, ‘I love it when you wear that outfit, it makes you look so good. You should never wear it for anyone else but me.’"
"She wanted to do something every night. I was so into her; I didn’t mind spending less time with my friends."
"He told me he couldn’t live without me... that he loved me so much."
When dating relationships start, dating partners often want to spend much of their time together, and each individual feels good about the attention the other person pays to her or him. Early signs that this person may be abusive are often ignored, or seen as positive characteristics of that person. Behavior that seems to show caring and interest may actually be jealousy, possessiveness or controlling behavior. Each case of dating abuse is different, but victims of dating abuse often describe similar behaviors in their dating partners, such as:
"She called me at least once an hour, asking me where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. Even when I was at home, she’d call on our home phone to make sure that I was really there."
"He would always tell me what to wear. He’d get mad if he thought my clothes were ‘too revealing’ and accuse me of trying to get attention from other people."
"She’d get mad if I ever wanted to do something with anything else. My friends started to get frustrated because I would never hang out with them. She even got mad when I did something with my family if I didn’t invite her."
"He told me that he would kill himself if I left him."
To learn about services available for dating and sexual violence victims, or to find resources on how to address these forms of violence in your school or community, click here.
To find out more about House Bill 121, a new Texas law requiring all school districts to create a teen dating violence policy, click here.
1 Jay G. Silverman, PhD; Anita Raj, PhD; Lorelei A. Mucci, MPH; and Jeanne E. Hathaway, D, MPH, "Dating Violence Against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality," Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, (No. 5, 2001)
2 California Coalition Against Sexual Assault (CALCASA) 2002 Report: Research on Rape and Violence, http://www.uasasonoma.org/teensite/statistics.htm#Child/Teen%20Vicitmization, (Last Visited 10/1/04).
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