Myths and Truths of Sexual Violence

Myth - If the person I’m dating agrees to have sex with me once, I can expect that we’ll have sex in the future.

Truth - Agreeing to have sex once does not mean agreement to have sex later. People always have the right to control their own bodies, and to change their minds. It is your responsibility to respect the person you’re dating and his or her decisions. If your partner says they don’t want to have sex and you don’t respect his or her decision, whether or not you have had sex before, it’s rape.

Myth - If my dating partner says "yes" to sex with me earlier and we’re making out later, I can expect that he or she still wants to have sex.

Truth - Again, an individual has ultimate control over his or her body and decisions. At any point in time, including right up to and during a sexual act, that person can change their mind. You must respect their decision, just as you have the right to expect them to respect your decisions. Pressuring someone to have sex because they said they would earlier is not cool - it’s rape, and against the law.

Myth - If I chose to take drugs or drink alcohol, and then I am raped, I will probably get in legal trouble for underage drinking or drug use if I report the rape.

Truth - There is no definite answer. However, while there is no guarantee, you will most likely not get in legal trouble for underage drinking or drug use if you report the rape. You are the victim of a serious crime, and law enforcement will generally focus on the assault that happened to you and not on your behaviors before the assault.

Myth - Choices that victims of sexual assault or rape make often lead to sexual assault. If a victim of rape chose to drink or take drugs, wear certain clothing or engage in other activities such as making out with someone, they are at least partially to blame for the sexual assault.

Truth - Sexual assault is an act of violence - a crime that a perpetrator chooses to commit. It is never the victim’s fault when they are raped, though there are ways to reduce your risk. In addition, clothing choice and activities such as kissing or touching are not risk factors for sexual assault. People have a right to dress in ways that make them feel good about themselves and are not responsible for an assault that may be committed, no matter how they were dressed. Making out does not imply sexual consent or intent to have sex with someone.

One message we want you to hear... if you are raped or sexually harassed it is not your fault. Maybe you were out late with some friends, maybe you were skipping class, maybe you were showing off your hot new outfit. So maybe you were... but it is not your fault. The truth is that rape is not about sex, it is about violence. People who commit these acts have the need to exert power and control over their victims.

One of the toughest parts about being a victim of sexual assault is coming forward and talking about it. No one wants to be "that girl who got raped" or "that guy who was too weak to stand up for himself." If you are afraid to come forward, you are not alone. Typically only about one-third of all rapes are ever reported to the police.¹ Maybe that is because many victims are raped by an acquaintance, a friend or a partner. You never thought someone you knew, maybe even someone you loved, could do that to you. But they did.

Being a survivor of sexual assault or sexual harassment isn’t easy, but you do not have to go it alone. The good news is that there are crisis centers, school programs and other agencies in the community who can provide support to the courageous survivors of rape and sexual harassment. We encourage you to seek help at one of those places; it could change your life forever.

Click the links below to get more information concerning teens:
For Teens Home
Survivor Stories